Whether we like it or not, weather we admit or deny it, sexual and/or romantic attraction is a very significant part of life and it can have a significant impact on an individual's sense of well-being, mood and self-esteem. It can take us for a bumpy ride, leading you to experience a wild spectrum of emotional conditions, ranging from euphoria to complete hopelessness.
Although 99.9 percent of the world population has to deal with attraction on a daily basis from puberty to senility, some believe that this powerful emotion has not been sufficiently researched. Fortunately, there are some resources that can provide us with information about the true nature of attraction. According to Jack Morin, Phd, the author of The Erotic Mind, there are two basic types of attraction: lusty attraction and romantic attraction.
Lusty Attraction
Lusty attraction is usually linked to physiological sexual appetite. The object of the lusty attraction usually meets the criteria necessary to produce the sensation of arousal, mostly in the genitals. Although it is a perfectly natural reaction of a human mind and body, in modern American puritan and monogamy oriented society lusty attraction is regarded as unworthy and even vile. In addition, it is strictly condemned by three most widespread religions – Christianity, Judaism and Islam.
Although those religions regard a sexual attraction between spouses as acceptable and respectable, yearning for strangers and other people’s husbands and wives is considered a deadly sin. While love is recognized as a virtue in all three religions, in Christianity, lusting sinners have reservations in hell where they will be smothered in fire and brimstone.
In Judaism, girls and boys (starting from the age of 12) are not supposed to touch each other (not even a handshake!) in order to avoid lust, while Muslims go as far as condemning eye contact between men and women.
Lust, however, should be accepted and respected as our natural desire for mere sexual arousal and orgasmic release. If associated with shame and guilt, lust can become a source of self-hatred and unhealthy sexual behavior. Dr. Morin claims that people who grow up regarding sex as disgusting are just as damaged as those who experienced molestation during childhood.
Romantic Attraction
While lusty attraction inevitably objectifies the desired one, romantic attraction idealizes him/her. It strikes on a deeper emotional level. The object of one’s romantic infatuation suddenly seems like the most fascinating person in the Universe.
Romantic attraction can be a potential source of emotional damage since it leads to obsessive thoughts about a loved one, acute fantasizing, severe dependency on his/her actions, the loss of the ability to see the desired person even remotely objectively. Although romantic love heightens our senses, provides us with a great deal of energy and occasional euphoria it has justly been compared to madness for many centuries. A person in love can hardly trust his/her judgment.
The best way to deal with attractions without turning them into “pleasure-pain” (Morin 1995) is first and foremost accepting them as a natural part of our being. Desiring another person who meets our criteria of sexy and attractive is as natural as smiling at a newborn baby. Attraction per se, even if it's unrequited, does not make a person unhappy, but shame and guilt associated with it can lead to unhappiness.
Sources
- Morin, Jack. The Erotic Mind. New York: HarperCollins, 1995.
Anna Inger - My name is Anna Inger. I was born and raised in Moscow, Russia, spent most of my life in Israel and for the last few years I've been ...
